You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Loss

  • Do you find yourself crying more than you think you “should?”
  • You want to feel together, but you just can’t make sense of what happened.
  • You don’t know how to “move on.”
  • Life is not the same since and you can’t get past the grief.

Losing someone or something close to you can be devastating, and nothing prepares us for the grief that follows. Coping with loss is one of life’s hardest challenges, and the experience is different for everyone. In our society, there are unwritten rules and expectations about how you’re “supposed” to grieve based on the event, the time frame, and your relationship with that person.   Grief often doesn’t follow these expectations. This can make processing the loss even more lonely, overwhelming and confusing.

There are no real “shoulds” about how you’re supposed to grieve. Nobody can truly understand how it feels when you lose someone or something close to you. Often, this means grieving a deeply private connection that is unique to you and words cannot describe this trauma. However, grief therapy can help you find and express these words on your own terms. It can also guide you as you begin to heal.

Everyone Experiences Grief and Loss

DANIELLE DETORA_Grief & Loss leavesCoping with loss is something that everyone goes through and has to confront during his or her life. If you are struggling to cope with the death of a loved one, you are not alone. However, during these trying times, talking with family and friends may not be enough. They are probably trying to support you, but nothing is making you feel better. If this is the case, grief and loss counseling can provide professional, objective advice and coping strategies to help you through this difficult time in your life.

Grief is the body’s emotional reaction to loss. Although most people connect grief with death, loss of life is only one type of loss. People can also grieve the loss of a marriage or relationship, favorite job, heirloom and more. Anything that we feel attached to can evoke grief once it’s gone. Coping with grief includes managing the myriad of emotions that can occur after loss and for many people, this is very difficult and overwhelming. Although we all will lose someone or something we were strongly attached to, we all deal with it differently. Learning how to grieve in healthy ways can help you get through this and promote your overall emotional health and wellbeing.

Grief Therapy Can Offer Some Relief

Grief therapy can help you increase your understanding of yourself, your loss and your life while it helps you effectively manage your heavy emotions of sadness. In her book, On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross describes five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  While these five stages provide a guideline for the different reactions you may have, you may not experience all of them or some stages may recur in no particular order — with no feeling of completion or resolution. A grief therapist can help you understand how you are coping with grief and offer tailor made solutions to attain the relief you need.

DANIELLE D_Grief counseling

Respecting whatever religious or spiritual beliefs you have, I can help you express and manage your grief at a pace that feels comfortable for you. For some people, their loss is so profound that they need to learn how to live in a different way, because the attachment to the person or object changes and shifts, but never disappears. Together, we will explore what aspects of your loss are making you feel stuck and discover coping methods that will allow you to live the life that you want, while still honoring your loss.

In a safe, compassionate environment you can express your grief and get your needs met. I have successfully helped people experiencing all types of grief and loss for over 15 years.  Several years ago, I lost a close family member suddenly and tragically. It shaped my life and my work in ways that I never knew possible.   I believe that it instilled a profound appreciation for the unbelievable challenges of grief and loss.

You’re really struggling to cope with this loss, but you may still have some concerns about grief counseling…

What’s the point?  Nothing can bring back what I lost.

You’re right — I can’t bring back what has been lost or undo what happened.  However, I can help you effectively cope with the heavy, burdensome emotions that come with feelings of hopelessness and loss. The complexity of emotions that you’re experiencing may be too intense and confusing to handle on your own. Some of these feelings may be too private to discuss with you friends or family. In therapy, you can voice any and all thoughts and feelings in a safe space, free of judgment.

I just need to move on. Sitting in a therapist’s office crying about what happened doesn’t make sense.

In our society, there is an unspoken time frame in which you’re “supposed” to process your loss. After a certain amount of time, those around you may send the message that you should have “moved on by now,” that you need to accept the fact that loss happens and stop talking about it. As well-meaning as some of friends and family may be, they just don’t know how to support you throughout this process. If you’re worried about potentially becoming a burden to your friends and family, therapy may be the right place for you to continue processing your grief.

I’m embarrassed — it was just a job, a thing.  It wasn’t a person.

Many people simply don’t understand that your brain doesn’t know the difference between loss of a person and loss of something that you had a strong emotional attachment to. I can help you understand your loss in a way that will help you readjust and feel better.

If you are interested in getting support for your grief or if you still have questions about grief counseling, I invite you to call me at 781-862-6772 for a free 15-minute phone consultation.